We went through a big change almost two years ago now, which I haven't really known how to talk about here. But I miss blogging, and the big change made me feel like I couldn't blog here. It was the elephant in the blog or in my mind.
The big change is that my kids are in public school. Eldest started going part-time in February 2015 and continues. I was just too overwhelmed and I wasn't being the kind of homeschooling parent I needed to be, and I thought that having him out of the house most days would help. I'm not sure it helped, but it hasn't hurt. Then we discovered an amazing kindergarten teacher at the school, with a Reggio-inspired approach, so we sent Youngest there full-time for JK and this year for SK. Eldest spends two days a week at the outdoor school and the rest at public school, now in grade 5. I struggle with the public system, as does he, but we are muddling through.
The next big change was a year later, last February. I realized we needed more money and the job I ended up finding was a full-time 12-month contract quite similar to my old job. I would definitely prefer part-time work but that is no easy thing to find. So just like that I'm leading a life I had kinda wanted to leave behind.
When my kids started back into the public system, I found myself with a bit of a social media dilemma. I had some time ago identified myself as an unschooling parent on most of my profiles because I thought it would help explain my perspective on a lot of the stuff I was sharing. But when my kids went into public school, I was no longer unschooling. But I was the same person with the same thoughts and perspective on school, it's just that I wasn't able to carry it out. At this point, I'm simply not able to live according to my values. So that sucks pretty big for an idealist like me.
I also had shingles in April 2015 and ever since then I've been struggling with fatigue and exhaustion. I'll go a couple of days feeling reasonably well and hopeful the difficulty is behind me, then I feel flu-ey and exhausted for a couple of days or weeks. Now that I'm working full-time, that means pretty much everything else has been squeezed out. I'm not sewing much, I'm not parenting as well as I'd like, although full-time work has allowed me to call on some wonderful professionals to help fill in some of the gaps (although sadly finding after-school childcare has been almost impossible so I'm having to juggle my hours a lot for that). And we are mostly eating really, really poorly. Luckily, just before I started working, my husband got a new job with less than half the previous commute so he's able to be home on time to do most of the cooking during the week, when he has the energy.
So that all means I haven't felt like I have a lot to offer this space, which was meant to be all about making stuff and growing stuff and cooking good food from scratch. But I am still the same critical thinker, and I still have stuff to write about, so I'm just going to start sharing that stuff here. Expect lots of feminism and some fat activism and perhaps some trauma-based stuff, because we've been dealing with that in our family.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Sunday, March 29, 2015
love
I've just started reading "all about love: New Visions" by bell hooks. It's my first time reading anything by her, and I'm very much enjoying it.
Her first task in the book is to find a good working definition of love. She rejects the notion, popular among many authors, that love is indefinable. Instead, she finds a satisfactory definition in M. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled, where he defines love as the will to extend one's self for the purpose nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Boy does that up the ante on this thing called love.
It strikes me that this definition of love really fits with unschooling. When you reject an authoritarian, coercive style of parenting (mostly, in theory anyways, when not caught in your own knee-jerk responses), what you have left is a bunch of people living together with different and sometimes conflicting needs. So you just have to solve the problem of ensuring everyone's needs, including personal or spiritual growth, are met.
It also strikes me, in reflecting on other relationships in my life, that they don't meet the standard bell hooks proposes. I think it takes a big, whole self to be able to extend oneself in the way that hooks and Peck call for, and so many of us are too wounded to do it.
Imagine if everyone were healed enough to love properly, though. I've been to a few Resilience Festival events this week, put on by Transition Guelph, and I've just this moment realized that that may be the very thing they're working towards. Huh.
Her first task in the book is to find a good working definition of love. She rejects the notion, popular among many authors, that love is indefinable. Instead, she finds a satisfactory definition in M. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled, where he defines love as the will to extend one's self for the purpose nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Boy does that up the ante on this thing called love.
It strikes me that this definition of love really fits with unschooling. When you reject an authoritarian, coercive style of parenting (mostly, in theory anyways, when not caught in your own knee-jerk responses), what you have left is a bunch of people living together with different and sometimes conflicting needs. So you just have to solve the problem of ensuring everyone's needs, including personal or spiritual growth, are met.
It also strikes me, in reflecting on other relationships in my life, that they don't meet the standard bell hooks proposes. I think it takes a big, whole self to be able to extend oneself in the way that hooks and Peck call for, and so many of us are too wounded to do it.
Imagine if everyone were healed enough to love properly, though. I've been to a few Resilience Festival events this week, put on by Transition Guelph, and I've just this moment realized that that may be the very thing they're working towards. Huh.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
{moments}
It's been an intense several weeks. Lots of changes and stress and although the stress is mostly past, I'm still waiting for some sense of space, of opening up. I hope it comes soon.
But here are a few moments that made me happy in recent weeks.
But here are a few moments that made me happy in recent weeks.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
public service announcement: banana cake with chocolate ganache icing
Oops! I just discovered this in my draft posts… we made this cake again last night for Eldest's birthday party today. When I went to link to the recipe, I couldn't find it… anyways, here it is. The recipe is so well-loved by us that the book, which was pretty much pristine when I bought it, has come apart at the seams at just this recipe.
This post is way, way overdue. Last May, a few days before Youngest's birthday, I didn't know what kind of cake to make him. He had all kinds of requests, not all of them coherent or applicable to most cakes I knew about. So I was a bit stumped. My usual standby is carrot cake with cream cheese icing, but we can't tolerate cream cheese anymore.
Then in a usual spin around my favourite thrift store, I discovered The Cake Bible, a few days before his birthday. I decided to try the Cordon Rose Banana Cake with the recommended Sour Cream Ganache. I was a bit skeptical about a banana cake with lemon zest AND vanilla, but it was amazing, and worked great with gluten-free flour. And the icing… it is now my favourite icing. To me it seems so decadent and rich and fancy, but it only has two ingredients: melted bittersweet chocolate (lots of it) and sour cream. I cannot recommend this recipe enough.
It so happens that my husband baked this for me on my Boxing Day birthday this year, and it was such a treat. So here is the recipe.
(This picture is from Nana's birthday last September… we made it for her too.)
Cordon Rose Banana Cake
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
2 tablespoons sour cream
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
1.5 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups sifted cake flour (we just use our own all-purpose, gluten-free mix)
3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
10 tablespoons softened, unsalted butter
1 9x2 inch cake pan or 9-inch springform pan, greased, bottom lined with parchment, and then greased again and floured
Preheat the oven to 350F. Mix the banana and sou cream until smooth. Add the eggs, lemon zest, vanilla and mix briefly just to blend. (The book says to use a food processor but I just use our mixer.)
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and mix on low speed for 30 seconds to blend. Add the butter and half the banana mixture. Mix on low speed until the dry ingredients are moistened. Increase to medium speed (high speed if using a hand mixer) and beat for 1.5 minutes to aerate and strengthen the cake's structure. Scrape down the sides. Gradually add the remaining banana mixture in two batches, beating for 20 seconds after each addition to incorporate the ingredients and develop the structure. Scrape down the sides.
Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the surface with a spatula. Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until a wire cake tester inserted in the centre, comes out clean and the cake springs back when pressed lightly in the centre. The cake should start to shrink from the sides of the pan only after removal from the oven.
Let the cake cool in the pan on a rack for 10 minutes. Loosen the sides with a small metal spatula and unsold or remove the sides of the springform pan. Allow the cake to cool completely before wrapping airtight.
Sour Cream Ganache
12 ounces of bittersweet chocolate
1 2/3 cups of sour cream
In a double boiler set over hot water or in a microwave on high power, stirring every 10 seconds, melt the chocolate. Remove from the heat and add the sour cream. Stir with a rubber spatula until uniform in colour. Use at once or store, and when ready to use soften by placing the bowl in a water bath or a microwave for a few seconds, stirring gently.
(The first time we made this cake for Youngest… we also made the blueberry sauce in the book, because he wanted the cake to have blue on it.)
This post is way, way overdue. Last May, a few days before Youngest's birthday, I didn't know what kind of cake to make him. He had all kinds of requests, not all of them coherent or applicable to most cakes I knew about. So I was a bit stumped. My usual standby is carrot cake with cream cheese icing, but we can't tolerate cream cheese anymore.
Then in a usual spin around my favourite thrift store, I discovered The Cake Bible, a few days before his birthday. I decided to try the Cordon Rose Banana Cake with the recommended Sour Cream Ganache. I was a bit skeptical about a banana cake with lemon zest AND vanilla, but it was amazing, and worked great with gluten-free flour. And the icing… it is now my favourite icing. To me it seems so decadent and rich and fancy, but it only has two ingredients: melted bittersweet chocolate (lots of it) and sour cream. I cannot recommend this recipe enough.
It so happens that my husband baked this for me on my Boxing Day birthday this year, and it was such a treat. So here is the recipe.
(This picture is from Nana's birthday last September… we made it for her too.)
Cordon Rose Banana Cake
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
2 tablespoons sour cream
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
1.5 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups sifted cake flour (we just use our own all-purpose, gluten-free mix)
3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
10 tablespoons softened, unsalted butter
1 9x2 inch cake pan or 9-inch springform pan, greased, bottom lined with parchment, and then greased again and floured
Preheat the oven to 350F. Mix the banana and sou cream until smooth. Add the eggs, lemon zest, vanilla and mix briefly just to blend. (The book says to use a food processor but I just use our mixer.)
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and mix on low speed for 30 seconds to blend. Add the butter and half the banana mixture. Mix on low speed until the dry ingredients are moistened. Increase to medium speed (high speed if using a hand mixer) and beat for 1.5 minutes to aerate and strengthen the cake's structure. Scrape down the sides. Gradually add the remaining banana mixture in two batches, beating for 20 seconds after each addition to incorporate the ingredients and develop the structure. Scrape down the sides.
Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the surface with a spatula. Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until a wire cake tester inserted in the centre, comes out clean and the cake springs back when pressed lightly in the centre. The cake should start to shrink from the sides of the pan only after removal from the oven.
Let the cake cool in the pan on a rack for 10 minutes. Loosen the sides with a small metal spatula and unsold or remove the sides of the springform pan. Allow the cake to cool completely before wrapping airtight.
Sour Cream Ganache
12 ounces of bittersweet chocolate
1 2/3 cups of sour cream
In a double boiler set over hot water or in a microwave on high power, stirring every 10 seconds, melt the chocolate. Remove from the heat and add the sour cream. Stir with a rubber spatula until uniform in colour. Use at once or store, and when ready to use soften by placing the bowl in a water bath or a microwave for a few seconds, stirring gently.
(The first time we made this cake for Youngest… we also made the blueberry sauce in the book, because he wanted the cake to have blue on it.)
Friday, January 16, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
RIP sourdough starter
I let my sourdough starter die.
This morning, I finally dug the bowl out from the back of the fridge and spooned the remains into the garbage. I didn't really want it to die, but every time I thought about feeding it, somehow I just couldn't face it. I guess I'm grieving. Not the starter but the pancakes I made one or twice a week with it, pancakes that have become a much more complicated endeavour than they used to be, so I've stopped getting around to it and that just makes me so sad. I loved those pancakes.
In the fall, I went to see the dietician about Youngest's behaviour. He ran away more than once from me in the fall (though none as bad as the first time, because I generally kept a grip on him at all times after that), and each time he would get into this weird state afterwards, like all spaced out. So we ran his bloodwork again, and it wasn't too bad considering how many iron and B12 supplements we've missed giving him. The dietician suggested he might be very sensitive to blood sugar changes, so we should only give him fruit with meals, no juice ever, and small treats should be followed within 10 minutes by protein.
So this kind of changes everything, again. We're still discovering what works and what doesn't, but we've definitely seen an improvement in his behaviour, and we've watched him spiral after even so much as a dried apricot. As well, I had run my own bloodwork and in December I finally met with the dietician to go over the results. Everything is perfect, except my blood sugar. So I need to follow the same advice. No sugar in my tea (sob!). Any sweetness must be accompanied or immediately followed by protein. Fruit only with meals. Given that I have a pretty sweet tooth and that I've already almost entirely cut out refined sugar (except for tea and homemade muffins), this has been a bit hard to swallow. I mean, I'd much rather be uncomfortable now and prevent myself from getting into pre-diabetic territory, but still…
Anyways, back to the pancakes. We can still have pancakes, but they have to be accompanied by either eggs or sausage now (not to mention being dressed with considerably less maple syrup), and that is just too much to organize in the morning. And so… since I haven't had the time to discover a gluten-free sourdough bread recipe that I like enough to take the time, the starter had to go.
I'll miss it.
This morning, I finally dug the bowl out from the back of the fridge and spooned the remains into the garbage. I didn't really want it to die, but every time I thought about feeding it, somehow I just couldn't face it. I guess I'm grieving. Not the starter but the pancakes I made one or twice a week with it, pancakes that have become a much more complicated endeavour than they used to be, so I've stopped getting around to it and that just makes me so sad. I loved those pancakes.
In the fall, I went to see the dietician about Youngest's behaviour. He ran away more than once from me in the fall (though none as bad as the first time, because I generally kept a grip on him at all times after that), and each time he would get into this weird state afterwards, like all spaced out. So we ran his bloodwork again, and it wasn't too bad considering how many iron and B12 supplements we've missed giving him. The dietician suggested he might be very sensitive to blood sugar changes, so we should only give him fruit with meals, no juice ever, and small treats should be followed within 10 minutes by protein.
So this kind of changes everything, again. We're still discovering what works and what doesn't, but we've definitely seen an improvement in his behaviour, and we've watched him spiral after even so much as a dried apricot. As well, I had run my own bloodwork and in December I finally met with the dietician to go over the results. Everything is perfect, except my blood sugar. So I need to follow the same advice. No sugar in my tea (sob!). Any sweetness must be accompanied or immediately followed by protein. Fruit only with meals. Given that I have a pretty sweet tooth and that I've already almost entirely cut out refined sugar (except for tea and homemade muffins), this has been a bit hard to swallow. I mean, I'd much rather be uncomfortable now and prevent myself from getting into pre-diabetic territory, but still…
Anyways, back to the pancakes. We can still have pancakes, but they have to be accompanied by either eggs or sausage now (not to mention being dressed with considerably less maple syrup), and that is just too much to organize in the morning. And so… since I haven't had the time to discover a gluten-free sourdough bread recipe that I like enough to take the time, the starter had to go.
I'll miss it.
Monday, December 29, 2014
new addiction
If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you already know that I've developed a bit of an addiction to sewing. After my first and second sewing projects, I made curtains for the kids' room this past August. And a bag made out of old wool blazers.
Then I discovered the Charley Harper fabrics come in a knit. I usually try to get my kids new pyjamas every year for Christmas Eve, but last year I couldn't find any decent ones. I hate putting my kids to sleep in polyester drenched with flame retardant. Anyways, when I saw the Charley Harper knits, I wondered if I could make my kids' pyjamas this year. It was a lot of work, especially because I wanted to surprise them with it, so I had to wait until they were in bed every night. And it was a major learning experience: I really felt like the pants and the curtains were beginner's luck, as this time I had needles break and tension problems and I lost screws and various other challenges. But I did it, with two days to spare.
And they loved them more than I could have imagined. I really didn't think they'd be that excited but they were. When Youngest woke up on Christmas morning, one of the first things he said, as he looked down at his new pyjama shirt, was, "This shirt has a lot of love in it."
I also wanted to make things for my nieces and nephews, but I ran out of time in a serious way. And now Eldest's birthday is just six weeks away and I have a ton of things I want to sew for him. No rest for the wicked I guess.
Then I discovered the Charley Harper fabrics come in a knit. I usually try to get my kids new pyjamas every year for Christmas Eve, but last year I couldn't find any decent ones. I hate putting my kids to sleep in polyester drenched with flame retardant. Anyways, when I saw the Charley Harper knits, I wondered if I could make my kids' pyjamas this year. It was a lot of work, especially because I wanted to surprise them with it, so I had to wait until they were in bed every night. And it was a major learning experience: I really felt like the pants and the curtains were beginner's luck, as this time I had needles break and tension problems and I lost screws and various other challenges. But I did it, with two days to spare.
And they loved them more than I could have imagined. I really didn't think they'd be that excited but they were. When Youngest woke up on Christmas morning, one of the first things he said, as he looked down at his new pyjama shirt, was, "This shirt has a lot of love in it."
I also wanted to make things for my nieces and nephews, but I ran out of time in a serious way. And now Eldest's birthday is just six weeks away and I have a ton of things I want to sew for him. No rest for the wicked I guess.
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